Out Of The Hospital, Into The Trenches
Or, how I realized I was stopping my growth as a professional.
About a month ago, I was hospitalized. I had a mental breakdown as a result of overworking and almost threw myself off the George Washington Bridge. At the time of my hospitalization, I was working about 10 hours a day while also cooking and cleaning.
Oh, and I also was unable to sleep. Because of the absolute chaos that was going on in my area, I couldn’t sleep at night. I had to sleep in shifts after the last couple of shootings outside my window. (One bullet almost caught me.)
So, I slept a total of two hours a day while working a total of 12. It was only a matter of time before I broke. When I got to the hospital, I slept for 15 hours. Then I moved and had a lot more breathing space, kind of.
For the past month, I’ve been doing a lot of quiet contemplation.
I think, to a point, everyone has that one part of their mindset that becomes incredibly toxic. For some people, it’s that idea that they aren’t dateable. For others, it’s a need to please people even when they aren’t anyone major.
For me, it’s this idea that I have to do everything myself and that if I work hard enough, people will want to invest in my potential to take me to the next level. And boy, did I work. And boy, did I wait.
It took me a hospital trip to realize something: no one was going to come in and “save” me from a lack of investment in myself. It didn’t matter how much I talk. I can’t keep waiting for people to invest in me and listen to my plans.
If anyone was going to save me, it’d be me. And then maybe, just maybe, others will follow and work with me on new ventures. For the past 15 years, I built everything I had from scratch—either through job opportunities, gigs, or just going viral on Medium.
All my work from the past 15 years was literally me and only me, breaking my back. I didn’t really have anyone who worked in my corner, per se. I didn’t have investors. It was always out of pocket. This was even true for most of my home and car repairs. I can change my own oil, do mold remediation, spackle, and re-tile like a pro.
Everything I did was self-taught or learned on the job. Aside from photo work and networking, I honestly never spent a dime promoting myself. I just kept waiting, waiting, and waiting for a team that never came.
I realized that I couldn’t do this all myself anymore.
No man is an island. And I got to the point where I have to stop myself from taking on more work. I also cannot rely on what I, alone, see in my writing path. I need an extra pair of eyes because I’m not omniscient and I’m not always capable of seeing what I could do better.
If I continue breaking my back so that some random benefactor will back me, I’ll drop dead of a heart attack before I see that day come. That plan is not working. There’s a certain point where I have to admit that I need the help of other people or of services that I never used before.
Here’s what I’m doing in the future—and why I’m going to be writing about every step.
I’ve always been a person who’s all about personal growth. I’ve always believed that anyone can do what I’m doing if they apply themselves. What I do? This writing gig? Not special, in my eye. Anyone could do this if they just sat down and wrote daily.
Not everyone can take it to the next level and become a multi-platform sensation. Or at the very least, it’s always been out of my reach. So, part of me wants to actually know what it takes to make it big.
I also want to learn more about a skill I already thought I knew plenty about: marketing. Good as I am, I realized that it’s time I started to learn even more about what it means to be online as a writer and public figure.
And, what good is this knowledge if I can’t share it? So, here’s what I’m going to be doing in the next year or so…
I’ll be trying a bunch of different ways to give the heads up about my writing on Substack. Yep. I’ll be advertising harder and will be exploring other social media outlets, too.
I will be writing about the various services and methods I try out to help increase my reach. I’ll give you the play-by-play of what each cost me, how I used it, and whether I’d do it again.
I’ll be sharing it all: the good, the bad, and the stupid-ass mistakes I make along the way. You’ll laugh, my wallet may cry, and gods know what else will happen.
I’ll be posting any new money venues that I make as part of this experiment. I won’t include any work that involves freelance or salaried work.
Are you ready? Sweet. Let’s walk this journey together.
Lately, I’ve felt that I might be headed for a breakdown, too, for somewhat different reasons. Like you, I’ve decided to up my game by strategizing differently. I’ll be interested to see what you come up with. (I was surprised to hear you mention the George Washington Bridge. I always assumed you were based in LA.)