“I’m Not Crazy, But Creative Life Is Driving Me Crazy.”
Yes, getting a little unbalanced is all a part of writing and creative life. Here’s what works for me so far. TW: suicide
On the morning of July 2nd, 1961, a shot rang out in Ketchum, Idaho. It was a shot that would continue to echo in the writing world for years. After all, that was the day that famous writer and storyteller, Ernest Hemingway, killed himself.
His wife, “Miss Mary,” was the one who found the body — having been awoken by noise from the blast. As soon as she saw him, she called a family friend to alert the news and authorities.
As a creative who studied literature at length, this story hits harder than it should. Hemingway was (and is) a role model of mine. So are Virginia Woolfe, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Sylvia Plath, Franz Kafka, and Hunter S. Thompson.
Sadly, all of these writers have something in common with me: they all attempted (or died by) suicide. Almost all of them also deal with the crippling terrors of addiction.
Throughout history, mental illness was seen as an “artist’s disease” that affected writers, painters, and other creatives.
Creativity is often linked with mental illness — even today. Historically, we have hundreds of examples of brilliant minds who also were simply not well. To a point, it’s almost expected of certain types.
While there is a tendency to glamorize the “tortured artist” in movies and plays, the reality of being a mentally ill creative is far from fun, interesting, or glitzy. It’s brutal on both the creative and the people around them.
And frankly? The glamorizing of mental illness also doesn’t reveal the stigma that comes with being a mentally ill creative artist — especially in the freelance world.
While we like to think we’re a progressive society, the stigma against mental illness is very real.
Creatives are generally seen as an unstable bunch by mainstream society — assuming, of course, they don’t get “the eccentric” pass by being related to or married into major wealth.
Artists and writers both generally get treated like shit by those who aren’t in their industry. We’re often undervalued, with clients that refuse to pay a living wage for our honed, practiced, and nuanced skills. We’re often told that “no one gets a living wage” from our work.
We’re often locked out of salaried positions, yearning for the days of a W-2 from a major magazine or marketing firm. We’re also told that we have to constantly hustle. And you know what? I wish that was the only issues we have.
The stigma of mental health in creative fields also acts as a personal attack — a way to shut us up if we actually speak out about our experiences. It’s also a source of discrimination.
As a creative, I’ve had people refuse to hire me because they thought I was “too unstable” to hold a job. I’ve also had my ideas be waved away because of my mental illness, told I was “just a worthless addict,” and also been discredited about my complaints because of it.
In a weird way, being in the creative industry tends to make you get a little crazy. It can be lonely, feel hopeless, and also just grate on you. All most of us want to do is get paid for the work we do. That’s it.
And yet, work can drive you crazy — even if you started out relatively sane.
As a person who struggles with mental illness, let me give you my best advice for keeping sane as a creative.
Ready for some serious advice? Here’s what I’ve learned: the stigma surrounding mental illness does not go away if you’re a creative. However, you can find your way around the stigma and also survive as a freelancer.
These are the tips I suggest working with — for both combatting stigma and staying sane.
Schedule time for some gym activity every day.
The gym is where I’ve started to do most of my best inner work. Gymming helps me control my mood swings. It helps me work out my frustrations in a safe way that actually improves my physical health.
You don’t have to spend hours at the gym to get the benefits. Just spend 20 to 40 minutes doing whatever you feel like doing. (I do some cardio and weights, but no one’s stopping you from doing yoga.)
The gym will boost your brainstorming powers and also mellow you out. It’s an investment in your looks and your career.
Don’t work with people who treat you poorly.
I know far too many talented creatives who stopped working as writers because they had one abusive client too many. Freelancing goes both ways. You have to make sure the client is a fit for you, too.
Budget, budget, budget.
Freelancing can have major ups and downs. Some months are great, while others are dry as bones. In my case, we ended up dirt dry for about six months…without savings to back it up.
Remember that boundaries are a must.
Artists are often super sensitive people who tend to see the best in people. With that said, they are also people who tend to become doormats for those they care about.
Call out people who try to discredit you because of your mental illness.
A scary number of creatives I know have been sexually assaulted by their clients. Their clients often wave it off, saying, “Oh, she’s crazy. You know how she is.”
Be honest about what you’re going through to your fans.
So many people have told me not to talk about the struggles I go through, especially when it comes to finances. I disagree with this wholeheartedly — and I have my reasons.
Yes, you may need professional help.
Therapy is for almost everyone. If you can afford it or have links to a low-cost therapist, go for it. If you need help professional help, reach out to people who can make it happen. You’ll see your life improve.
Make a point of joining meetups, attending events, and networking.
The biggest hurdle that most of us freelance creatives deal with is loneliness. We’re a lonely bunch because we mostly work from home, don’t hang out with others in the industry, and have issues others won’t understand.
Going out to nightclubs. I no longer attend EDM concerts, but I love a good sushi lounge, jazz concert, or goth show. Sometimes, you just gotta rage out and party. These venues are also pretty good for meeting people, so take your time to chat others up.
Hitting local community events that pique your interest. In New Jersey, we have pagan festivals and spirituality events that I tend to enjoy. I often run into likeminded creatives there. Other writers found their “homes” at drag shows, local TCG tournaments, D&D meets, and more.
Attend networking events. Yes, those “young professionals” events are actually worth a look. On a similar note, don’t be shy of checking out other networking platforms like Alignable or LinkedIn.
Have your online crews. ObaConnect has been a home for me for a while. I strongly encourage you to check them out if you’re having a hard time finding others who get it.
Introduce yourself to the people you see on a regular basis. Do you know your local convenience store clerk’s name? I do. He knows mine, too. These little things can make a world of difference.
I might try online friendship platforms soonish. It all depends on how I feel. But as you see, touching grass can make a huge difference in how you feel and how well you can handle stigma.
Remember that everyone’s trying their hardest at the end of the day.
Sometimes, all you can do is shrug and say you tried your best.
Thank you for your encouraging words.